Dave and I will have a big wedding and Toph will be his best man and my daughter will be my maid of honor and at the reception we'll dance to songs by Journey and Big Country and Loverboy (three of the bands Dave mentions in his memoir, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius; maybe you've heard of it. maybe you've seen it on the shelves at Target between Me Talk Pretty One Day and Running With Scissors and all the other books your mother reads with her book club and which you probably read as well, secretly, alone in your room where no one can see you or judge you or say, "Dude, seriously? A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, dude? Dude, that dude's a total douche. Have you seen his hair, dude? Dude, no.") and then we'll go back to our hotel room and Dave will take off his shirt and I will try hard not to stare at his unusually large, protruding nipples.
--Elizabeth Ellen, "How I Stopped Loving Dave Eggers and Stole Your MFA"
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