Hmm... if they published this story in Kenyon Review, surely they'd be interested in my own much shorter / snappier / all-around more brilliant story in a similar style. Let me check my trusty Duotrope account....
La dee dah... loading... logging in... searching... here it is!
Damnit! Temporarily closed! Since when?
January 15th! But today's... [checks date and time on computer screen] January 16th!
[Smashes head on keyboard like Don Music from old Sesame Street episodes] I'll never get it right! Never! Never!
[calms down] OK, let's see who else.... [Starts clicking further on Duotrope, finds a lower-paying publication to try out instead.]